Focus on the Fucktards.

It takes a special kind of twisted, knee jerking, reactionary nutjob to be able to hold claim to both the attacker and the victim in a paranoid sky is falling story of their own making. I don't know if that makes sense, but neither does the Dobson Focus on the Family vs. Spongebob flap that's going around.

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6210240

Dobson himself is able to dig himself even deeper by explaining his actions. That dipshit needs to be slapped silly. Okay, that's not necessary.

http://www.family.org/docstudy/newsletters/a0035339.cfm

He's already silly in the head. So somebody just slap him please.
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You know I don't know who I'm more disgusted with, Michael Jackson or the parents who continued to let their children have "sleepovers" with a man who not many years ago PAID A FAMILY OFF with 10 million dollars for the exact same allegations he's facing now.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/010605jackson.html

I'm leaning towards the parents.
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Sketch: 90 minutes for the guy study. Not very good. I think his pose is a little awkward and his proportions are a little wonky. I was mainly concerned with rendering the values on the pants and shirt.
The girl on the left is a girl I saw on the 38 Geary bus as I was going home. It's been a few nights, but I remember she was asian or maybe hapa and wore an all black outfit. Fake motorcycle jacket, black jeans, and converse all stars. I imagined the music rotation on the Ipod she carried included the Cramps or the Misfits or some shite like that.

Something like this shouldn't happen here.

I had a late dinner tonight. The only thing open downtown was the Wendy's. On the trip there I noticed a small white haired man huddled in a dark corner between two buildings. He looked about seventy. Who knows how old he is, though. Destitution, I'm sure, ages those afflicted. He looked utterly defeated. Kept quiet and just stared off into space.

I'm pretty jaded about the whole homeless thing here in San Francisco. It's incredibly bad. Most of them, in my eyes, are just lazy scammers who aren't interested in bettering themselves. Just living off the hard work of others. I tend to ignore them for the most part. Sometimes I will buy a meal for them. I never give them money.

I decided the second I laid eyes on him that I would buy a meal for him. A Wendy's meal(geez, I must secretly want to kill him). As I approached him I asked if he was hungry. He just glanced up at me with this forlorn look and knodded his head weakly. He took the meal and placed it next to him and just stared into my eyes. I could've have sworn he was tearing up. No response at all other than that.

It tore my heart out to look at this poor old man sitting alone huddled on a sidewalk. He deserves better than this in his twilight years. They say money can't buy happiness. Well, I tell you what...If I had money, nothing would make me happier than to take a man like that off the street and set him up in a home somewhere. A place where he could live out the rest of his days in peace without ever having to worry about the roof over his head or food on his table.

I know that's just a cop out, though. There's always something I could do for him and others like him. So, what's my problem? I'm just too godamned concerned about my own well being. I don't want to end up like him: broken and alone and living on the street. It's just fucking wrong.
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Here's a twisted way of housing this mortal coil in the afterlife - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/4215923.stm. What as an artist would I like to be interred in? Hmm.
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Sketch: An hour each. I'm not happy at all with the study on the left. I like the one on the right despite some minor structural issues. More clothes. Must do more clothes.

Lovely pic. I wonder if it's sentient?

kathunter.com/some-days-are-better-than-others. I don't know if the guy to the left of the girl in the pic is in any pain. The comments suggest it's a hernia. I wonder when you meet this guy face to face if the thing comes to life and asks you to "Open your mind, Quaid............open your mind!"

Whatever it is, the guy has got to be a hard core sado-masochist. If he is feeling any pain from his little special cuddly bear buddy there, it clearly wasn't enough pain for him to endure. So he had it TATTOOED! And if you look closely (yes, I'm a sadist it would seem ) you'll notice the tattoo is a very small penis with pubic hair. He's got a heck of a sense of self-deprecating humor. I guess you'd have to have a great sense of humor with the second coming of the piss christ protruding from your pelvic region.

I would have at least had them tattoo a huge schlong on it, but that's just me.

Sketch: An hour for each pose.

I seem to be pulling further away from what would be considered the "ideal" feminine body. Getting too lean and muscled. My male egocentricity is coloring my approach to these studies.

I need to get back to smoother, softer lines. Lessen the chiseled physique somewhat.




The 50 most loathsome people in America: Buffalo Beast

How do I feel.......continued.

I was determined not to let my feelings stay bottled up. I had done that too many times in the past. So, I wrote her a long letter expressing how I felt. I was so fucking afraid of giving it to her that I mailed it to her and jumped on a plane to New Zealand. I actually mailed the letter while I was at the airport just so there was no chance she got it before I left. I was a Marine, dammit! I served time in a war zone, yet I don't have the courage to face a woman head on with my feelings. What does that say about me? Getting shot at is less scary than getting shot down. :P

The whole trip I thought about nothing but her. I didn't spend much time in New Zealand. When I got back home, I couldn't sleep that night. The next day I knew I would see her and I didn't know what the heck was going to happen. I walked into the studio shaking like a leaf. Eventually everybody started showing up around ten. I'd already been there for three hours trying not to implode. She never showed up. I asked around and found out that she went back to Israel for a time. What a relief that was. But when she came back, things got really tense. I took her aside and asked her what she was thinking. She told me she had to take some time and think it through. So I backed off.

About a week later, she came to me and told me that she didn't feel the same way. Considering the way I felt about her, I took it well. The whole time she was gone I convinced myself she wouldn't want me anyway. So hearing it directly didn't really produce any emotion at all. I kind of shut down emotionally after that. I became very aloof towards her. I know it was just a defense mechanism.

She left the company and the friendship effectively ended. I tried my best not to contact her. A childish response to how I felt. About a year later, we started communicating again. We spent some time together and rekindled the friendship. By this time I was (mostly) over her, but the feelings for her were welling up again. I was still very attracted to her physically, but I kept the emotions suppressed. I was going through some problems at the time and didn't need the added pressure. It didn't stop me from flirting with her at every opportunity. I didn't give a toss how it made her feel, this was about my own satisfaction.

A month had passed without a word between us. I played the aloof card again; refused to email her. But through the grapevine I heard that she got back together with "the boyfriend". That put the final nail in the coffin. I just stopped responding to any of her emails. I didn't stop asking about her through our mutual friends, though. There would always be thoughts of her and I needed to know how she was.

A few weeks ago, I asked a friend if he'd heard from her. He said yes and that she was pregnant. And on Tuesday, January 18th I found out she got married. Like I said, this is great news. In the pics she looks happy and content. That's all I want. I have yet to respond to the email. I know I will. It's just a question of when. But if I don't.........

Best of luck Z. I hope you have a long, happy, and fruitful life.

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Sketch: Around 95 minutes I believe. Self portrait 2. Everytime I post something self-centered and personal, I will add a Self portrait. That way any readers of this blog can know to skip the torture. It's for your own good. :)

Actually, this is something with which I would like to test my determination. 100 self portraits in as many days. Hmm. I will have to think that over.

I should be in jail for just looking at her.

I'm no fan of this girl. In fact I don't give her a second's thought unless she's in the news or something. She's just another one of those overexposed "IT" girls that Hollywood seems to glom onto and then obsess about. I understand that she's got the spray on tan and a hair stylist and makeup artist have worked her over, but this photo just works on so many levels:

Very reminiscent of the 50's pin up style shots of Bettie Page, Rita Hayworth, etc. Right down to the retro bathing suit. She has a real feminine body; real curves. Not a stick figure so prevalent in the ads in magazines. A few years from now, that same hollywood media set will be saying how much she's "let herself go". Kate Winslet, another beautiful woman with real curves, comes to mind. Well, she's been captured for the ages by a photographer's lens. Generations to come will be able to obsess about the merits of her celebrity and beauty.

JibJab rocks solid.

These guys put out consistently great product. I wish I was this creative.

Press the button that says "second term":
JibJab Second Term

Sketch: Hour and a half.

The girl's face reminds me of that kid that use to be on "Kate and Allie". Geez, how did I remember the name of that show? There is just too much useless info floatin' around in my noggin.

This is super fun and creative.

http://bigredhair.com/robots/

The Stunstick as a Half Life 2 deathmatch weapon?

Okay, sure. I guess. ??? How the hell will anybody ever get close enough to another player to use it?

New player created levels with Valve's sign of approval will be coming out soon. That should raise the bar. Some of the levels on Steam now that players have created are super fantastically crappy!!

How do I feel about it? Meh!

I found out today a friend got married. She married her long time love on a Kibbutz in Israel. She looked beautiful, radiant, and happy. She was also very pregnant. Contrary to what she expressed in the email, this wasn't as shocking for me as she had thought. I learned weeks in advance from another mutual friend who keeps in better contact with her than I. I'm glad for her. Her happiness is very important to me.

Two years ago that info would have made me incredibly sad. I was in love with this girl. In fact, from the first moment I set eyes on her when she walked into our studio I felt immediately drawn to her. Her smile filled me with a feeling I have only experienced a few times in my life. When I talked to her during the interview, I felt a connection to her in some way I can't explain. She was so warm and natural. And her sense of humor caught me off guard.

We ended up hiring her as an animator. It had more to do with her talent than the way she made me feel. It's true! Over a span of a year, we grew to be good friends. At the time, she was dating her boyfriend so I kept my growing feelings for her to myself. I didn't want to create any awkwardness at work. Besides, I really respected her talent and didn't want to see her leave because of me. So, I pushed the feelings down and kept myself busy.

When she confessed to a few of us at work that she broke up with her boyfriend, my heart jumped into my throat. I was scared what it might mean. By this time, I was completely in love with her. At work I was just stupid around her. At night I fantasized about a life with her. Marriage, kids, the whole nine yards. I even convinced myself that I would move to Israel with her if that was what she wanted. I'm sure she could sense something was up. Our friendship grew further apart.

to be continued.......
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Sketch: About an hour and a half. Self portrait.

Weekend of Champions..........of dull.

This past weekend, I took a break from my usual workaholism and tried my hand at some drunkoholism. Friday night, I joined some friends for drinks at a bar in the mission after a life drawing workshop at The Mission Cultural Center. Let me state first that I am no drinker. I don't drink because, for the most part, I don't like to partake in things that dull the senses. There's enough about me that's dull, as evidenced by my last post. I don't need to add to that.

It was my friend Anselm's birthday, so I figured that was good enough reason to get plastered. Anyway, I started out with an Anchor Steam and I nursed it pretty well. About an hour later (that's right an hour later), I grabbed a second one. That one seemed to disappear pretty quickly. The third came along and somehow disappeared in the same manner. Usually around this time in my admittedly few drinking escapades, I order a round of Jagermeister for the table. It's one of the few liqours I have a real fondness for. Most of the time, only one or two people will join me.

This time Anselm and Eric joined me for a shot. I downed it before the glass hit my lips. Anselm took one sip of his and all the memories from a previous jager trip he had taken came flooding back. I happily obliged finishing it off for him. By the fourth Anchor Steam, I couldn't feel my face. Seriously, I couldn't feel it. I tried, but no dice. Probably had something to do with the fact that I couldn't raise my arms any longer. So that's all it takes to knock me on my ass: Four beers and 2 Jagers. Yeah, I'm a lightweight. I'm sure I made a fool of myself and some point.

When I got home, my roommate suggested I take an aspirin to counter the effects of the alcohol or something. I don't quite know what he said. He has a lot of theories. Most of the time they're just stream of consciousness ramblings. I tend to take his suggestions in the spirit they're given and ridicule him mercilessly. He said something profoundly off the wall and thrust an aspirin in my face. Not looking forward to my morning - another reason I don't drink - I took the aspirin and downed it like a champ. It went down smooth as a baby's bottom, that aspirin.

The next morning I woke up at 7:00 AM chipper as a jaybird with nary a headache to be seen or felt. Taking heed to his suggestion the previous night, I downed another aspirin that morning just to head off at the pass any headache I might get. And what do you know, I never felt any ill effects the rest of the day. One of his theories actually worked. I will remember that one for next time.

The rest of the day was spent - what else? - working on some art.

And on Sunday........wait for it.............I actually ran. Woo hoo. I ran all the way to the marina and worked out down there. Then came back. It's only six miles or something but I feel like myself again. I still have a hacking cough, but it didn't seem to affect me in any way as I was running. And I didn't cough up lung, so it's all good.

The rest of Sunday was spent - what else? - back to workaholism.
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Sketch: About an hour each. I don't know what I was thinking when I thought up that woman in the lower right hand corner. The top one is my attempt at doing a body type other that "perfect". Whatever that means.

I love flu/cold relapses...........there just great!

Okay, so I haven't run in about a month and I'm really hate'n it. It got so bad last week that I actually dreamed I was running a marathon. I love running. I have a chemical need to run. But the weather in the Bay Area has been shite the last few weeks.

Yeah, I was sick a few weeks back and was recovering nicely, I thought. Well, last Wednesday morning I decided it's been too long since I've run. I stretch, do my warm up exercises, walk outside................and there's still a drizzle in the air. Fuck it, I'm going. I start running full bore, don't ask me why. I get about a mile and I start coughing up lung. Shit, I'm thinking, I'm a bloody moron. I crawl back to the place, shaking all over. I hop back into bed for a few hours. I'm back up at about 9 in the morning feeling a little better, so I put on a few layers and go into the studio.

The next morning, I can't get up at all until about noon. I go in to the studio, but don't last long. Come Friday and I am dead. Can't move. So I don't. Saturday rolls around and I still can't seem to rise until about noon again. I come into the studio and stay late, but I don't get anything done. Sunday is another day lost to sleep. Saturday was probably not a good idea.

Monday hits and I am better than I was the four days previous. Tuesday and I'm back to feeling like I was LAST tuesday. Should I run Wednesday? Naw, won't risk it. But I'm telling myself I will run sometime this week. I HAVE to! Because, seriously, I'm starting to feel like a big ball of flab.

The point of all this? Obsessivity is not your friend. I should just will myself to rest when it's necessary, but I hate not being well. Makes me irritable; which causes stress; which doesn't help me get well.

Saturday or Sunday. That's when I will give it another go at a run. I should be alright, in spite of this hacking cough.
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Sketch: A few hours altogether. Thought I would try doing some Samurai studies from my head.

ShrubCo will yet again get away with a criminal act.

Something like this happens and the noise isn't about the White House's illegal use of public funds, it's about the fact that some blogger used some very nasty and inciteful commentary in describing Armstrong's actions.

The Rightwing Noise Machine gets to change the subject and the ignorant conservodroid bloggers will just eat it up and completely ignore the WH's complicity. These people believe the admin can do no wrong and liberals hate america and the noise machine gives them what they want. And where is the "liberal media"? Oh, their collective head is in the sand.

Armstrong is guilty. The White House is guilty. And Steve Gilliard is guilty.......for providing the Noise Machine with grist for the mill. And Democrats will always play defense against the Republicans.

I'm disgusted with the whole lot of 'em.
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Sketch: 75 to 90 minutes. Hey, I'm disgusted for the time it takes to read the above stories. That doesn't mean I can't let it go and draw some naked chicks!

The Dead have risen and are practicing law.

This is some hilarious shite. Also scary when you realise how hopeless our justice system is.

These young whipper snappers never had it so good!

Halo - real or imagined? - These young marine and army pups of today don't know adversity. Why, I remember when I was stuck in the desert of Saudi Arabia all we had was VHS and a Sega Genesis.....if we were lucky!

This is something I was alluding to in a previous post - Halo-2-is-probably-reason-why. It is great they can take a break from fighting a war......and sit down in front of a monitor and........fight a war! They need the break from their reality. And I for one support it.

Hell, maybe the Iraqi insurgents are doing the very same thing when they take a break from fighting! That should be the way the war is conducted. The Iraqi insurgents play red and the Americans play blue. Whoever wins gets to dictate the future of Iraq. It sure beats all the real bloodshed. We'd probably still win ( if you can call what we're doing in Iraq "winning").
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Sketch: About 1 hour. No reference. From now on, just assume it's no reference unless I note it.

The last day of my "vacation"

Okay, today is actually the last day of my "vacation". This is not one of those really awesome vacations that you take to some exotic island in the pacific with a beautiful woman by your side. No, this was a working vacation. I took a break from freelance work so I could concentrate on a few of my personal projects. I did take a trip the week of christmas, so I haven't been completely homebound.

One of those projects was an illustration that I will submit to Spectrum 12 Fantastic art book. I haven't completed as much on it as I would have hoped, but I think I will be done by the deadline. This I promise to myself. Another one of the projects I've been working on is a sketchbook of drawings that I hope to self publish and sell at the San Diego Comic Convention. Alot of comic book artists do this yearly. I hope to offer something different. A lot of the art on my blog will be included in the sketchbook (high res of course).

I've also been putting a lot of time - during most of the year as well as this "vacation" - to taking Beeline Studios into the realm of game development. Right now it is specifically an asset resource. But I want to build a development studio that will - in my best hopes - work outside of the already established publishing environment. I have spent some time on the pre-production phase of the very first game under the Beeline label. It will be a small holiday game for christmas 2005. I expect about a three month development cycle - you know on top of working for a living. It's a fairly simple concept, but it will be a good first step for my burgeoning company.

I have yet this - erh, I mean LAST - year to put as much time into the three short films I've been working on. I had other priorities. But the ideas are timeless - well not timeless as in priceless or extraordinary or anything, just not topical in any sense - so there is no rush for me to get them done.
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Sketch: About an hour each. I'm having a really good time with these nude studies. I want to see how many nudes I can come up with out of my head before I get another creative brainlock.

Happy New Year!!!

I was gonna go to the Embarcadero to watch the Fireworks, but it was nasty all day and tonight was no exception. So here I am posting at midnight on January 1st, 2005.

Yeah, baby! Woooh! Bzzzt. Harruuuuga. Harruuuga.


Right.

Sketch: About 1 hour each. No reference.